The Clint Achilles Chronicles

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Van Damme-a-thon: Jean-Claude Van Johnson Episode 1

I used to be super famous.  Perhaps you remember my first starring role in Blood Sport;  it is on television all of the time.  Or maybe you’ve seen Time Cop.  Which is like Looper, starring Bruce Willis, but like a million times better.


Episode Boiled Down To Brass Tax:  Finally, the secret life of JCVD is revealed.

Silver Tax Expansion:  Jean-Claude Van Damme plays Jean-Claude Van Damme in the most meta of meta shows to ever grace the internet.  JCVD is actually a super secret agent/assassin who uses being a movie star as a cover for his covert missions.  This of course has been going on for his entire career.  Code named Johnson has retired from the business, but not Nicolas Cage retired, but really retired.  Now after a seemingly ill advised decision,  JCVD decides to get back into the game in an attempt to rekindle a former relationship with a co-worker.

Golden Dragon Review:  Alright, let me get this out of the way, I loved this.  Seriously, this is the greatest thing ever of all time, end of story.  Amazon prime has released this pilot and in order for the show to get picked up, Amazon Prime members and others have to vote at .  So I encourage everyone  in the universe to do so immediately and give this show the highest possible marks because the world needs more Johnson.  JCVD is at his best here.  He’s brilliantly trolling himself while at the same time embracing all the things that make him great.  This show is hilarious but it’s also super serious when it comes to production value.  Also, the action is top notch.  I’m going to throw this out there, after watching this pilot, I wanted to immediately have Rion Johnson fired from directing Star Wars Episode 8 and Peter Hymans put in his place, because Time Cop really is a better movie than Looper.  They could put JCVD in whatever role Bencio Del Toro is playing, because hey,while  he was great in Sicario, and wacky as s@!# in Guardians of the Galaxy, nobody can touch Van Damme now, he’s on a whole other level.  This show is off the charts.  I have to see more.  There are so many questions that need to be answered.  Why does Van Damme only like strawberry pop tarts?  Who is agent Brown?  What other ridiculous movies is JCVD going to star in?  The possibilities are endless.  I don’t really want to go into much more detail and end up spoiling this for you, just do yourself a favor and spend thirty minutes of your life in pure joy by watching this pilot on Amazon.

Platinum Van Damme Rating:  5 Spin Kicks Out of 5.


One comment on “Van Damme-a-thon: Jean-Claude Van Johnson Episode 1

  1. Christian Westmoore
    August 26, 2016

    One at a time guys. It could get confusing. We might run into each other,

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